Symphony

I hate being late. I really do. In fact, I like to be early. My dad used to tell me that his dad said this: If you don't leave early enough to have a flat tire, fix it and get somewhere on time, you're late. Considering I've never in my life changed a flat tire, I would have to leave at least 1.5 hours early in order for that to happen. But I like my sleep too much for that. Nonetheless, timing is important.

I have to be honest, here. I've struggled the last few months with faith and trust and letting go in order to let God. I'm a type A need-to-know when-and-who-and-what-and-why-and-how planning freak. I like organization and when something is out of sync, I try desparately to get all the players on the same sheet of music.

I've had an urge for a while now that it's time I move on from my current nursing role and take on another.

I struggle with when to apply to graduate school. And for that matter, which degree to pursue.

Brad and I still have a desire to move to Colorado.

I see my friends getting pregnant and bringing life into this world and feel it tugging at my heart strings.

Brad really wants a truck and expresses those dreams periodically.

We really want to get out of Houston.

But what role does timing play in all of those? Do I jump on the first leadership opportunity at work and risk being satisfied? Do I start pursuing my MSN in the fall or spring? If we move to Colorado, what about school and CARES and our friends and family back in Texas? Do I really want to sacrifice my coveted sleep for crying and pooping? Do we need a truck and what are our financial goals and how will those be affected? Can small town life can wait?

And just when you think you've got everything figured out, life throws you a curve ball. A punch to the gut. A blow to the ego. A rejection. A test result that could change your life completely. A big, fat "Not yet".

And then I remember, I'm not the conductor here. I'm not ultimately in control of my life. Sure, I make decisions and pursue opportunities that affect me long-term, but God is the orchestrator.

He's the one with the baton in hand bringing in one instrument, one skilled player at just the right time to make the melody oh so beautiful.

He's the metronome.

The time keeper.

And His timing is always right.