A Heavy Heart

This weekend has been eye-opening for me. While we mixed in a few fun things to do, each and every day brought on more news of despair.

Friday evening, we took dinner to a couple in our Bible study that just had a baby. In almost all other situations, that's a happy occasion -- please follow me here. I'm not saying it's not a happy occasion for them, because I know how truly grateful they are to have conceived and carried through term in the first place. It's just that their daughter was diagnosed after birth with Trisomy 21 -- Down's Syndrome in layman's terms. I have a special place in my heart for Down's kids because all of my few experiences with them have been positive. They are the sweetest, kindest, most caring people that have a heart of gold (although often "broken" with congenital anomalies). This couple will, no doubt, be using every ounce of their energy raising a special needs child for the rest of their lives, but let me tell you. If any couple can do it, it's them. We often ask, "Why, God? Why did this happen to such a great couple?" I think if we could audibly hear Him, He'd respond with, "Because who better than they?"

On the ride home from their home, I received a text from a coworker about one of our very special former patient's passing. I held back the tears. This 2 1/2 year old came to our hospital at one week (or younger) of age in what seemed to be a state of septic shock (in which the body is overwhelmed with infection). I had the privilege of taking over her admission after she'd been there for a mere 3 hours. Let me tell you...she kicked. My. Butt. The next twelve hours that unfolded would define the rest of her life. She ended up on multiple vasoactive drips (to help regulate her blood pressure and in short, keep her alive). She had an ECHO (ultrasound of her heart) that showed a very serious and rare combination of several heart defects. She ended up with a chromosomal abnormality that would determine the medications she took for the rest of her short life. But she fought. She fought through multiple hospitalizations and surgeries. She ended up with a feeding tube because doctors didn't believe she could eat by mouth. She did. She was on ECMO twice in her life because doctors didn't believe she would survive without it. She did. She was actually flown to Dallas to be worked up for a heart transplant because doctors didn't believe she would make it through that specific hospital stay with out it. She did. She was a fighter. She was last admitted due to an infection in her lungs that almost killed her --actually it did twice, as she "coded" and had to be revived multiple times. We kidded that she had nine lives. But we just knew we would watch her walk across an elementary school stage at her kindergarten graduation. She passed away Friday night. I'm not sure of the details but I do know that her memory -- her legacy -- will live on in the PICU nurses and physicians that were honored to take care of her. Her family was there every. Single. Day. That doesn't always happen where I work. Not everybody can get away from their lives to see their kids on their umpteenth admission because of work and other constraints. They did. They made time. They loved her like nobody's business. And so did we. Have fun in Heaven with Addi, sweet girl. Wear those angel wings proudly and dance all day long like you did for us in the unit!

I learned of a few other things this weekend that struck my heart -- another death of a former PICU patient and the divorce of a great Christian couple after adultery found its way into their marriage. I have never in my life felt so compelled to live for what God has intended of me. In fact, that very topic was the basis of our Bible study today (see how He works?). I may not be the most talented person on this earth, but I know he's given me the gift of caring and gifting and loving on sick people and that's exactly what I intend to do. That and love my husband :)